my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
