i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
