Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
