So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
