i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
