i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
