hotel room ftw
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
