mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
