he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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