Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
