is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
