Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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