are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
