When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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