ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
