left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
