Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
