Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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