i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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