dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
