I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
