2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
