wakey wakey hands off snakey
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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