i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
