ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
