forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
