oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
