Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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