Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
