Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
