Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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