Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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