that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
