using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
