they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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