please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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