so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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