Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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