apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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