420 ftw
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
