so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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