Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and she was petting her beer can
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
