Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
