You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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