Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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