We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
