there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
