Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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