You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
