she woke up with a sticky ear
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
