"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i love accidental penises.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
