FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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